wishful thinking

I wish...

-Oranges had zippers so I wouldn't squirt myself (and every one else around me) every time I try to peel one
-I wasn't so prone to getting paper cuts (3 in 2 days! okay, this one I could work at...)
-French books had their table of contents in the FRONT and not in the back (!)
-Old library books smelled like snuggles fabric softener instead of spewing out dust
-My sneezes weren't so loud and obnoxious (I think my poor old roommate just woke up)
-I had built-in immunity to fight the ridiculous amount of pollen in Williamsburg
-I could sleep in my warm comfy bed right now

amazed

Sometimes I like to be in control of my playlists.

Other days, I like this "freedom" of not choosing (as strange as that might sound), this weird joy in letting things just happen, and this anticipation of what's to come.

Today is one of those mornings.
I turned on Pandora and this song came up:

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

-Amazed by Desperation Band

It's nice after a long, stressful night to be reminded in the morning what a blessing it is to wake up in His love, surrounded by His love, breathing in His love each and every day.

My pile of work just got significantly smaller. Well, not really...but you get the point. :]

Take a deep breath.
You are loved<3

brownies and blubber

me: i just ate a brownie.

haeseon, i have no self control

RIGHT AFTER WORKING OUT.

Haeseon: hahaa

me: who does that

HAHAHA

i told myself i'll eat half

i have a piece the size of my THUMB left :(

Haeseon: just finish it

haha

its okay

your metabolism is faster after you work out

me: true!

HAHAHA

done.

none left

Haeseon: just stay awake for a bit longer so that you have more time to metabolize the food.

good girl

story of my life.
mint-fudge brownies make your tummy smile.
friends make you smile after you eat one.

On another note, here's one tubby fellow that I have come to adore:

I fell in love with manatees when I visited the Dallas World Aquarium last summer. There's something about their saggy round faces, wrinkly smiles, and cute black button eyes that I find so cute. I want to just hug one. heehee.

Oh, and call me strange, but I find their jelly rolls quite endearing.

If I keep up with this late night sweet snack binging, who knows, I might become a round little manatee. Then, maybe I can join my friends at the aquarium...hmm. What can I say, I have a special place in my heart for round chubby creatures.

breakfast blessings

This morning, my dear friend Lydia and I both happened to have our classes canceled, so we got to spend several hours over breakfast catching up on...well, this beautiful thing called life. :]

Though the morning may be brisk, wet, and chilly outside, the warm voice of a dear sister can touch you in unexpected ways.

We took a seat beside the windows of the cafe so we can catch at least some of the afternoon rays beginning to filter in through the clouds. Hearing her stories from her spring break trip to an orphanage in Nicaragua gave me a glimpse of our beautiful God at work. Through her, I got to see the beautiful hearts there and was again reminded of His grace. As she recounted each day there so vividly, her genuine tears and heartfelt testimony moved me. Though I was really hungry when I woke up, I dropped my fork. Food didn't appeal to me anymore--I wanted to hear more. The joy, the brokenness, the love. She reminded me of God's faithfulness as I even now am struggling to fully depend on Him to provide for my own trip this summer. Oh, He provides, Cathy. In the stillness of this morning, God was drowning out the noise in my life so I could hear His sweet whisper. Thank you.

What a blessing it was to hold hands together and pray for the family she left behind in Nicaragua this spring as well as the family I will be meeting in Cameroon this summer.

Let me tell you, I love my usual morning cereal&slicedbananas in the solitude of my room, but catching up with a dear friend over breakfast sometimes brings you a nourishment that no other food can provide.

Thank you Jesus for my unexpected class cancellation, chilly but refreshing morning rain, a yummy breakfast, and a dear friend to enjoy it with.

research "woahs" and woes

I love having my sources in front of me, bibliography set, outline all written out with little notes jotted in the cramped margins, and a fresh blank word document open to finally start my paper.

I hate coming across an interesting article last minute, finding an amazing quote, wrestling with the idea of inserting it, succumbing to the nerd in you, and going through the entire process all over again--just because someone says something you feel is worth mentioning. Feel special, sir. Very special.

I hope one day someone finds my words worth this significant ..or not.
sigh.

It's going to be a long night.

reflections

This morning, I was led to question the beauty of the morning sky.
It almost seemed like the weather was defying the meaning of Good Friday, with the sun spreading its brilliant rays and smiling upon the many students sprawled across the campus lawns. For the first time, I cringed at the sun, this happy giver of light that seemed completely ignorant of the bloody cross that Christ chose to endure. I even thought, It should be raining! We should be in mourning! ..as if this weather could in any way diminish the effect of His sacrifice...

This afternoon, I was brought to repent of my lack of faith.
After class, I walked over to the mail window with my two package slips. The postman handed me the familiar packing that always encases the monthly devotional my pastor always sends me each month, always remarkably on time, without fail. Thank you. The other was an envelope, which I, perplexed that this would be considered a package, carefully opened. Receiving financial support from someone you know does not have much really moves you. It first tears you to pieces, humbles you, then brings you to your knees because you know you do not deserve it. Then, you are reminded that what you're doing means something. Someone else out there believes in God's power to do great things using inadequate people, like yourself, in a foreign country. You become instantly encouraged by your supporter's strong faith. Your faith in the mission trip grows exponentially. You are Thomas. No, you're just being you. You feel pathetic that you find yourself trusting Him only through tangible evidence, yet....You cannot help but stop to praise and thank God for it. At least this is what happened to me.

Tonight, I was moved to tears by the grace God has shown me.
Though I've been sending support letters for Cameroon, I haven't been getting far with fund raising and just barely made enough by giving violin lessons to send in the first deposit today. Despite this seemingly constant burden that has been weighing in my heart, God used even that to remind me of the significance of this Friday and the love spilled out on that cross. He surprised me and overwhelmed me with His love today.

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." -Hebrews 10:19-25

I was so encouraged today.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you.

God, if it's not your plan for me to teach or serve overseas in the future, could you please financially provide for me so I can support missionaries everywhere? Help me to see the needs of others before my own. Provide for me especially to give to those who have blessed me and shown me your grace. And when you do give, please remind me of the generosity, love, and sacrifice of my prayer partners.

que Dieu vous bénisse.