reflections

This morning, I was led to question the beauty of the morning sky.
It almost seemed like the weather was defying the meaning of Good Friday, with the sun spreading its brilliant rays and smiling upon the many students sprawled across the campus lawns. For the first time, I cringed at the sun, this happy giver of light that seemed completely ignorant of the bloody cross that Christ chose to endure. I even thought, It should be raining! We should be in mourning! ..as if this weather could in any way diminish the effect of His sacrifice...

This afternoon, I was brought to repent of my lack of faith.
After class, I walked over to the mail window with my two package slips. The postman handed me the familiar packing that always encases the monthly devotional my pastor always sends me each month, always remarkably on time, without fail. Thank you. The other was an envelope, which I, perplexed that this would be considered a package, carefully opened. Receiving financial support from someone you know does not have much really moves you. It first tears you to pieces, humbles you, then brings you to your knees because you know you do not deserve it. Then, you are reminded that what you're doing means something. Someone else out there believes in God's power to do great things using inadequate people, like yourself, in a foreign country. You become instantly encouraged by your supporter's strong faith. Your faith in the mission trip grows exponentially. You are Thomas. No, you're just being you. You feel pathetic that you find yourself trusting Him only through tangible evidence, yet....You cannot help but stop to praise and thank God for it. At least this is what happened to me.

Tonight, I was moved to tears by the grace God has shown me.
Though I've been sending support letters for Cameroon, I haven't been getting far with fund raising and just barely made enough by giving violin lessons to send in the first deposit today. Despite this seemingly constant burden that has been weighing in my heart, God used even that to remind me of the significance of this Friday and the love spilled out on that cross. He surprised me and overwhelmed me with His love today.

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." -Hebrews 10:19-25

I was so encouraged today.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you.

God, if it's not your plan for me to teach or serve overseas in the future, could you please financially provide for me so I can support missionaries everywhere? Help me to see the needs of others before my own. Provide for me especially to give to those who have blessed me and shown me your grace. And when you do give, please remind me of the generosity, love, and sacrifice of my prayer partners.

que Dieu vous bénisse.