Food for Thought

The most profound essence of my nature is that I am capable of receiving God. 

- St. Augustine 

Blessed sisters

Washington DC, Kentucky, Missouri,

Tennessee, and Pennsylvania.

It's so crazy to see the directions that He has taken the five of us, 

and yet, it's so amazing to see that nothing has really changed. 

"Oh how Great the Father's love for us"

I am so thankful for you. 

Thank you for constantly speaking Truth into my heart.

 "I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking." -George MacDonald

Here's a quote that my dear sister Lydia shared with me a few weeks ago after a lovely conversation. Yay for technology and the ways it has blessed me with such precious opportunities.

It's amazing to think that two girls who fell in love with a community through short mission trips--would eventually settle down for a little while to serve, and more often than not, learn.

Indeed, we are learning.
...learning to trust in a Lord that is bigger than the difficulties that we face every day.
...learning to remember that He loves our kids more than our human hearts possibly ever could.
...learning to praise God for every little thing that comes our way...be it good or "bad"
(quotation marks around bad because even those, I'm learning to see, carry much good)

I am so thankful for you. 

Welcome to Room 209

"The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little 'extra'"

The poster from my high school English class that inspired the title of this blog is now hanging up in my own classroom to speak to my own students. I pray that these words will not only encourage my kids to push a little further and go that extra mile, but that it will also be a daily reminder to me that it is

an extraordinary Father singing to an ordinary being like me. For that, I am grateful.

And yes, that is a fan. My classroom happens to be the only one in the building with a broken air conditioner,

but now that the temperature's dropping my kids have been complaining less
(although some have now begun to say that it's getting too cold in the room...sigh)

At least my windows bring in a lot of s u n s h i n e. I could use lots of it this year.

Teacher privileges not only mean that I could use
my favorite movie character for posters like these,
but I could also shamelessly promote my birthday :P 

6 Periods. 97 Students. 5 Days a week.

Father, may your hand be upon everything that goes on in this classroom.

First year. Let's go.

"It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; 

he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
-Deuteronomy 31:8

First week of teaching: done

After a full week of being Ms. Kang, 10th grade English teacher of room 209, the frazzled looking one at the end of eighth period, my heart sings one thing and one thing only. And that is this hymn. Spirit, sing. 

I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like thine can peace afford.

I need thee, O I need thee;

every hour I need thee;

O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.

I need thee every hour; stay thou nearby;

temptations lose their power when thou art nigh. 

I need thee every hour, in joy or pain;

come quickly and abide, or life is vain. 

I need thee every hour; teach me thy will;

and thy rich promises in me fulfill. 

I need thee every hour, most Holy One;

O make me thine indeed, thou blessed Son. 

Spiritual Traveling

After several summers of being blessed with many traveling opportunities, I stayed close to home this year. This summer is instead a chance for me to serve within my local community and stand in awe of the One who lovingly sends out His children to the ends of the earth. And yet I did travel. Although I didn't physically leave the confines of the United States, this summer was in fact a summer of spiritual traveling. Through one of my favorite families, I was blessed to see how women in the middle east welcome their guests into their homes. I was blessed to see a sister of mine find healing through the touch of beautiful little children. I was blessed to hear the beginnings of an extensively planned stay in Bulgaria finally come into fruition. I was blessed to see a sister return and serve the orphanage where she last left her heart. I was blessed to see a team fly out to Japan to comfort those long forgotten after the earthquake. I was blessed to see a mother and daughter serve motherless children in Africa as well as a brother carry the Word to college campuses in Turkey.

-C* in Iraq
-L* in Nicaragua

-E* in Bulgaria

-K* in Congo

-J* in Japan

-C* in Kenya
-A* in Turkey

What a beautiful body of Christ these brothers and sisters have displayed to me this summer. God, you are good. Be lifted High here in this place. All over the world. Let your name be known. Be glorified.  

My Institute Story of Self

It's the day before finals, and I've never felt so nervous.

....and I'm not even the one taking the final tomorrow!!

Nope, these are the finals that my very f i r s t students will be taking.
The first students to entrust me with their learning....with their lives. 

It makes me wonder how my own teachers felt when I took their exams. 

Will they remember to use context clues? Will they have the stamina to write a strong thesis statement? Will they be able to differentiate between mood and tone? Will they be able to identify the various poetic devices? Will they recall that informal does not mean informative?

All these thoughts are frantically swimming through my head as I go into the last two days of institute, of summer school, of being in the classroom with a handful of rising seniors at Delaware Valley. 

I arrived in Philly with the simple notion that this summer was going to be tough. That I was going to be humbled and stretched and that I was going to learn a lot. 

I didn't realize just how little it took to break this confident air of mine...this idea that I was born to teach. No. In fact, if I was certain of one thing, it was that I was born to learn. Learn learn learn. 

From running into a wall with classroom management, witnessing all kinds of behaviors in class, dealing with all kinds of prejudice in the school system, hearing all kinds of disappointing words labeling my students as "not smart" and "way behind," I saw more than I had expected or even wanted during these past five weeks. 

Every walk back to the bus meant a few minutes of heaving sighs under my breath and muttering thanks to all the teachers that had to deal with this during my own schooling. 

At first I had my qualms of going into the classroom to teach English as a small Korean American, not to mention a VERY recent college graduate. Will they trust me? I never had any Asian teachers teach me English when I was growing up. Nope, not even in college. What makes me think that they or their parents will trust me to teach English?! These thoughts quickly disappeared the minute I entered the classroom. It was an entirely different world that I was walking into.

All my life, I was in charge of my own learning. Life was simple. I put in x amount of hours studying and the results would (more often than not) match up to that. Getting results from an exam or a class was never a surprise because I knew that what I sow, I would eventually reap.

When it comes to teaching, I may put in x amount of hours into my work, but it will not always produce those same, once predictable results. (at least not immediately or so obviously on paper) I never know what my kids are up against the minute they walk out of my classroom. Will they come across family troubles? Will they be evicted from their home tonight? Will their electricity get shut off? Will they get any sleep tonight or will their parents be fighting again?
Ms. Kang, I'll get my materials in by Friday. That's when I get my paycheck.
Ms. Kang, I have a court hearing tomorrow. Can I take my final a day early?
Ms. Kang, that's easy to say but not for someone who lives with her aunt and has to pay the rent. 

My heart aches. My power is finite.

Lord, teach me to be faithful in my role. Everything else is in your hands. Give me peace and the faith to trust that you are greater than my biggest failures. Help me be f a i t h f u l in the task that You've given me. Help me to l o v e them the way you do. 

Small Victories

Today I found toilet paper in every bathroom at my school. Miracles happen.

Letter to Grandma

Dear halmuhnee,

The wrinkles on your face began to get deeper. When you laughed, they stayed and I wondered if they would ever leave. But you still laughed and smiled and told me to become the best person I could be so that I could make mom&dad happy. Every phone call ended  with the same request. 

Every trip to Korea meant time in the kitchen with you. On some days, you would mash hot potatoes and mix butter&sugar into it. Just the way I like it. Then you would ever so delicately shape them with the spoon and plop them on my plate. Mm you always knew the perfect ratio of sweet and savory. 

You would get up early in the morning to buy oppa's favorite pastry and heat up a bowl of his favorite soup to go with it--the creamy kind. You would senselessly buy me clothes and accessories...always to the excess. But secretly, I knew that I had a stylish grandma and was proud to flaunt it. You and your hat collection...silly and yet so admirable. I miss you.

Grandma, I celebrate you. It's mommy's birthday...your daughter's birthday, which means I thank you too.

You've given me the best gift in the world. I catch a glimpse of you every time umma smiles. Or when she smacks her lips a certain way. Or when she tells me to take a break...that it's good to rest. 

Halmuhnee, I know how much you love roses. I bet she thought of you a lot today. I wish I had been there to celebrate with her today as well because I'm feeling rather homesick. It must feel so good for you to be finally home. Your real  home. Eternity with Jesus.

Halmuhnee? Thank you for my precious mommy. I'm glad that she had one too. 

See you soon. Until then, I hope you enjoy being in God's presence, dancing with grandpa, and eating the best ice-cream in the world. 

With all my love,

your grateful granddaughter.

Text from Momma

Travel tip #2: "Hold His hand and go everywhere" -dearest momma kang

Institute has been probably one of the most  physically, emotionally, and spiritually demanding experiences of my life. If I'm not sleeping, I'm either lesson planning, grabbing a quick bite, or thinking of my students. Running on so little sleep has been difficult on this little ole' me. Emotionally, I've been struggling with patience--with my students, with other fellow teachers, and many times with myself. It's discouraging when, after spending so many hours staying up trying to perfect your lesson plan, you find yourself bombarded with classroom management issues and struggling to just deliver the objective. And after all that hard work, you grade their work and realize that many of them have still not mastered the concept. You constantly question yourself if you're fit for the role and feel incredibly inadequate while doing all of the above. I've seen people break down in the first week. I've seen people humbled and stretched. I fall into the latter category, and it's probably because I just feel so numb...almost robotic these days. I've never seen my weaknesses so vividly--my weakness of taking command, clearly communicating ideas, and simply knowing how to wait. I've never been so excited for Friday, which means sleep!!

Despite all this, I've seen God clearly remind this fickle heart of mine of just how much He cares.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.-Deuteronomy 31:8

During my time here, He has allowed me to teach this summer at the school I'll be working at in the fall. He has allowed me to meet some of my students beforehand. He has given me community here, through church, letters, phone calls, dinners, and roommates. He has provided me with leaders who give me honest and constructive feedback. He has given me sisters with whom I can laugh and exchange stories.

Week one of teaching: done. That equals five days of feeling like I've run a half-marathon at the end of every class period. That equals five days of waking up at 5am and sleeping at 12am (if I'm lucky). That equals five days of begging the Lord to get me up every morning when my body screams for rest. That equals fives days of asking the Lord to give me the courage to teach and love my students. And ever so faithfully, He has granted these requests. My kids are growing on me. Every s i n g l e one of them. Praise God.

During one of my toughest days yet, He only gave me just as much as I can handle. And even that, I know is the Spirit fighting more powerfully than ever. What a humbling month ahead....

Thank you mommy for reminding me that I'm not alone. Indeed, He is holding my hand even now. 

Bucket List #4

In a very much giggle-filled late night conversation with a darling sister, we have both come to the conclusion that God is too big for us to be content with white picket fences. 

Nope, no picket fences for us. Only POP___s. I only write this to keep us both accountable. 

This entry may not make sense, but it's okay...it's for one pair of ears only.

So here goes bucket list number four: meet a  P O P ___.

hehe.

signed&sealed,

estherbaby & cathymomma

(in)debt(ed)

So now that I'm a college graduate (yikes, did I just say that?), I'm slowly learning to take on bigger responsibilities like handling my student loans. I completed my exit counseling not too long ago and literally laughed out loud (add a dose of depressed sarcasm) when I came to this part. Basically, a situation in which my loans would be cancelled would be: yes, if I die. It makes complete sense out loud, but on paper it just looks so...morose. As sad as this process may be, who knew that I would take away something good from this rather unhappy biggirl moment?


Let's face it. It's difficult to enjoy home when you know that you're going to be leaving in just a few weeks. While I'm excited to help out with church activities and enjoy dinner dates with the family, everything's so hard when you know that you'll be packing your bags soon and people start asking when you're flying back.


Nevertheless, God has been gracious in teaching me two things during those moments when I'm crying out to say that I'm not ready to leave home and am inwardly throwing a tantrum against my merciful Father: 
1. the importance of keeping an eternal perspective 
2. there is one debt that's already been fully paid for 


During these moments when I know that my time in Dallas is coming to a close (albeit temporary), I'm reminded of the importance of eternity. I sense the burden weighing on my heart every time someone asks me when I'll be seeing them next or every time I count down the days until my departure. I've begun to think, What if life had a time constraint? What if we knew the beginning and the end? What if this life was it? I could picture a world going crazy--hoards of people scrambling to get everything done and buying what they always wanted...a dog-eat-dog kind of world where people would be living for selfish gain. And yet, that is not how God made it to be. We don't know the end days (praise God) nor is this life all we have. Instead, we have eternity to look forward to and that is what makes each goodbye easier, each day a little sweeter. During these moments, I admire the courage of Abraham, who by faith was always "looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God" (Heb. 11:10). 


As I also find myself buckling under the pressure of student loans and more real-world responsibilities, I must remember that there is one debt that actually counts and it is one that no salary over a span of 230492 years can begin to pay off. And that is the debt of my sin, which Christ has paid for, in full (Rom. 5:10). 


During nights like these, I find new meaning to this age-old hymn: O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be! Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love; Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts above.

Ballroom dancing

SYTYCD season 4. Kherington & Twitch. Viennese Waltz.

Taking ballroom this semester has been one of the best decisions yet.
Although I had my fair share of missteps and embarrassing wipe outs,

I love slipping into my socks and gliding across the gym floor like a Disney Princess.

It has taught me to follow and learn to let the man lead.

In this ever changing world, I hope such class never goes out of style.

It's amazing how many dances we've learned within the course of this semester,

but my favorite will always be the Viennese waltz.
I always think of this, one of my favorite performances on SYTYCD.

Thank you, RUF family

RUF Senior Night '12

This has been family to me for the past four years.
Four years of being in the front row seat,
watching the Lord touch and transform the lives of many on this campus.
Four years of watching Him peel layers and layers of my sinful self,
showing me the depth of my sins and beckoning me into His arms.
Four years of stepping out of my narrow-minded world view
and learning to see that the Kingdom is greater than I could ever imagine.
Four years of watching God grow a fellowship
in numbers and in relationships,
watching people from all the different nooks and crannies of this campus
come forth to worship Him with one voice.
Thank you for teaching me what relational ministry looks like, 
and for teaching me that there is a beautiful sameness in all of us.

Cameroon Update

“For every house has a builder, but the One who built everything is God” (Hebrews 3:4) 

I still remember sitting on the patio with Mr. Ngome as he tried to teach me the Limbum language. Oh, how the words would just roll of his tongue. I felt like I was reading music, it sounded so beautiful. I miss the peace and quiet that greeted me every morning when I made my way to Lucy's kitchen. She would already be up making foufou when I would still be struggling to open my eyes. I miss you, jingwehtata.

Wycliffe Associates mobilizes volunteers and teams to assist the Bible translation process around the world through a variety of support roles. Praise God that a new door has opened for Wycliffe Associates to construct a strategic translation center in Cameroon, Africa. This new center would help facilitate more than 40 language projects that are currently underway in Cameroon. Presently, there is no central location in the area for national Bible translators and language workers to be trained, ultimately slowing down the progress of Bible translation. There are still more than 100 languages, representing more than a million people, without any Scripture in Cameroon.

• Wycliffe Associates has the land and the building permit for this new training center. Please pray that God will supply the resources to begin construction. 

http://wycliffeprayer.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/new-construction-project-in-cameroon/

Book Bites: The Pursuit of God

"O God, quicken to life every power within me,

that I may lay hold on eternal things.

Open my eyes that I may see; give me acute spiritual perception;

enable me to taste Thee and know that Thou art good.

Make heaven more real to me than earthly thing has ever been. 

Amen."

"The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer

Simply reading through his reflections and prayers gave me a telling picture of 

how deep this man's relationship with God was. 

What also struck me was his reverence to God in all that he did,

especially in his academics. Perhaps it's because I've been reading a lot 

of Shakespeare through my English class lately, but this introduction

before the preface really struck me: 

"Aiden W. Tozer educated himself by years of diligent study

and a constant prayerful seeking of the mind of God.

With Tozer, seeking truth and seeking God were one and the same thing.

For example, when he felt he needed an understanding of the great

English works of Shakespeare, he read them through on his knees,

asking God to help him understand their meaning. 

This procedure was typical of his method of self-education."

Haha oh boy. I get frustrated enough having to constantly
check the footnotes to decode Shakespeare, but who says I can't lift
things like this in prayer? Why do I always sift and compartmentalize?
Everything is from Him, through Him, and to Him (Rom 11:36).
Thanks for the reminder, Mr. Tozer.

Self-education yet complete reliance on God.

Tozer became a theologian, scholar, and an incredible writer

with no formal teacher but the Holy Spirit and good books.

Whew, so in awe. So sufficient is the Lord.

Book Bites: The Kite Runner

"For you, a thousand times over"

The great thing about a six-hour train ride over spring break is that I get to dive into a great book. My roommate recommended "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini to me recently, so when I saw it on sale at the local library, of course I picked up my own copy! :)

It was so good that I finished it in three days (mostly on said train ride). Hosseini not only gives a beautiful portrayal of friendship, but opens your eyes to life in the Middle East and the beauty of the Arabic language--I ended up asking a close friend how to pronounce some of the words. So cool how they roll off your tongue. Being the sensitive creature I am, I of course ended up shedding many tears on the way back home. You could also tell that the writer's a skilled physician by the way he describes the numerous bodily injuries (not for the fainthearted) that take place throughout the novel. I cringed at certain parts, gasped, and even had to put it down momentarily before proceeding again. This novel takes you on one emotional roller coaster. It's beautifully written, and I can only imagine being half the friend that young Hassan is to Amir.

With my Praxis studies done and my admission ticket printed for tomorrow morning's exam, I will now treat myself to watching the film version as I make some pasta for dinner. Yum :) Happy Spring Break!

Matthew 14:6

"But Jesus said, 'Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me."

"If human love does not carry a man beyond himself, it is not love. If love is always discreet, always wise, always sensible and calculating, never carried beyond itself, it is not love at all. It may be affection, it may be warmth of feeling, but it has not the true nature of love in it."
-Oswald Chambers

A woman who would pour all she has at the feet of Jesus. A Savior who would take my sins to the cross. To love with complete, u t t e r abandon. Oh, how I pride myself when I'm not even on the preface of His great book of love. Oh, how deep, the Father's love for us.

Mexico in pictures

P a t i. 

"Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Worship the LORD with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the LORD is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations."

[Psalm 100]

As we both proceeded to color the blank pages before us,

she stopped midway to give praise to our God in her sweet little voice.

That's what she does--color the world around her.

Whether she is pretending to make a phone call with her plastic phone

or reciting a Psalm before a student who had grown disheartened by 

the brokenness around her, this is how Pati praises her King.

Humbled and uplifted by a four year old.

Off to Mexico, with love.

Ringing in the new year with my RUF family in Guadalajara, Mexico.

Jan. 3rd - Jan 10th

Please keep us and these beautiful souls in your prayers!

Going with this in mind:

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this:

to visit orphans and widows in their affliction,

and to keep oneself unstained from the world" 

-James 1:27

And praying that we leave assured of this:

"I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you"

-John 14:18