Institute has been probably one of the most physically, emotionally, and spiritually demanding experiences of my life. If I'm not sleeping, I'm either lesson planning, grabbing a quick bite, or thinking of my students. Running on so little sleep has been difficult on this little ole' me. Emotionally, I've been struggling with patience--with my students, with other fellow teachers, and many times with myself. It's discouraging when, after spending so many hours staying up trying to perfect your lesson plan, you find yourself bombarded with classroom management issues and struggling to just deliver the objective. And after all that hard work, you grade their work and realize that many of them have still not mastered the concept. You constantly question yourself if you're fit for the role and feel incredibly inadequate while doing all of the above. I've seen people break down in the first week. I've seen people humbled and stretched. I fall into the latter category, and it's probably because I just feel so numb...almost robotic these days. I've never seen my weaknesses so vividly--my weakness of taking command, clearly communicating ideas, and simply knowing how to wait. I've never been so excited for Friday, which means sleep!!
Despite all this, I've seen God clearly remind this fickle heart of mine of just how much He cares.
Week one of teaching: done. That equals five days of feeling like I've run a half-marathon at the end of every class period. That equals five days of waking up at 5am and sleeping at 12am (if I'm lucky). That equals five days of begging the Lord to get me up every morning when my body screams for rest. That equals fives days of asking the Lord to give me the courage to teach and love my students. And ever so faithfully, He has granted these requests. My kids are growing on me. Every s i n g l e one of them. Praise God.
Despite all this, I've seen God clearly remind this fickle heart of mine of just how much He cares.
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.-Deuteronomy 31:8During my time here, He has allowed me to teach this summer at the school I'll be working at in the fall. He has allowed me to meet some of my students beforehand. He has given me community here, through church, letters, phone calls, dinners, and roommates. He has provided me with leaders who give me honest and constructive feedback. He has given me sisters with whom I can laugh and exchange stories.
Week one of teaching: done. That equals five days of feeling like I've run a half-marathon at the end of every class period. That equals five days of waking up at 5am and sleeping at 12am (if I'm lucky). That equals five days of begging the Lord to get me up every morning when my body screams for rest. That equals fives days of asking the Lord to give me the courage to teach and love my students. And ever so faithfully, He has granted these requests. My kids are growing on me. Every s i n g l e one of them. Praise God.
During one of my toughest days yet, He only gave me just as much as I can handle. And even that, I know is the Spirit fighting more powerfully than ever. What a humbling month ahead....
Thank you mommy for reminding me that I'm not alone. Indeed, He is holding my hand even now.
