Response from a current student who I reached out to last week:
Hey Ms. Kang
Yeah there's a lot going on, but im really emailing you to see if you are okay.
I was ready for that last bell to ring to close the end of a rough week
and signal the beginning of a much-needed weekend to rest and recharge.
Little did I know that seconds before the end of the last bell,
in the solitude of my quiet prep period,
the piercing loud speaker would go on
Teachers, we are in lockdown.
Doors slamming in the hallways
madness
confusion.
Students swarming in all directions.
Colleagues nervously poking their heads out.
The poor substitute across the hallway
searching my face for cues on what to do next,
yet I, too, was a blank road map.
Girl running down with a furrowed look
Left hand pressed against a bloody right arm.
A trail of red droplets before my feet.
Is this actually happening?
Security sternly commanding teachers
to hoard the remaining students into empty classrooms.
Channel 6 and NBC crews already stationed on the grounds.
Helicopters flying overhead.
Strange bitterness and anger welling up.
Students beginning to crowd around my window,
trying to get a glimpse of what's happening down below.
SWAT team officers moving in.
Making eye contact with an unexpected Asian male
dressed in officer uniform
as I stood bearing my school lanyard.
Both making eye contact
feeling out of place
wondering
why are you here?
Chaos.
Searching for answers--who got hurt?
Please don't let it be one of my kids.
Who shot the gun?
Please don't let it be one of my kids.
And in the midst of it all,
my student gently looks into my furrowed face
"Ms. Kang, are you okay?"
And that is what disturbed me the most.
My students...
whose first reaction when hearing a car skid by is
to duck down immediately
because they were conditioned to do so.
My students...
who have seen this more often than television
that the first thing they would do is to
console a teacher who thought her job
was to protect them.
Oh Lord, be my refuge and strength.
