Sometimes

Forty-Seven Minutes

Nick Flynn, 1960

Years later I’m standing before a roomful of young writers in a high school in Texas. I’ve asked them to locate an image in a poem we’d just read—their heads at this moment are bowed to the page. After some back & forth about the grass & a styrofoam cup, a girl raises her hand & asks, Does it matter? I smile—it is as if the universe balanced on those three words & we’ve landed in the unanswerable. I have to admit that no, it doesn’t, not really, matter, if rain is an image or rain is an idea or rain is a sound in our heads. But, I whisper, leaning in close, to get through the next forty-seven minutes we might have to pretend it does.

Mementos

Saturday afternoon /
mom's chopping veggies /
i ask her opinion on a playlist for my cousin

me: how about this?
plays song on iTunes
mom listens intently
mom: ...hrm I like that "car race" song
me: ....you mean "chasing cars"?
mom: ... ^^;

Grandpa Moments

Oh how I will miss..

• setting up the table under his watch, making sure he gets "the right" spoon and chopsticks
• spending 2 hours going over our family tree as he scribbles in unfamiliar names on the back of a ripped calendar
• waiting as he smooths out the top of his head while carefully slipping on his stylish hat
• saluting the opening elevator doors with a "standby....execute!"
• watching him put on his best outfit before heading out to comfort a fellow marine comrade 
• smiling as he prayed a blessing on my aunt's head on her 50th birthday
• nodding in agreement as he looks into my eyes and firmly states, "we have two ears but one mouth because God wants us to listen more and speak less!"
• sorting and eating vitamins with my faithful healthy old man
• listening to him tell stories of my grandma and the beautiful lady she was

Mementos

...that time I flagrantly disobeyed mother's orders.

Sorry momma, I couldn't resist.

Travel Tip #4: When in the Eastern coast of Korea, splurge on raw fish. The sooner you eat it the better. This one was alive just 10 min ago. Feeling like a ruthless carnivore today.

Reunion Weekend

Travel Tip #3: Keep the destination in mind when booking Greyhound

Despite my slight aversion to Greyhound (I've just happened to have awful experiences in the past from getting hit on by a passenger to heaving in unhealthy amounts of fast food to screaming babies and crazy delays), I gave it another shot and came away quite satisfied.

No, it was not due to the cheap price nor the surprisingly punctual departure and arrival of my bus rides. It was instead due to the anticipation of seeing my college besties and the memories of the weekend that made the return easier. Oh, how I missed these sisters.

It's amazing to think that one of my lovebirds, ms. sarah snugglemuffins, is already beginning her hunt for her wedding dress and is in a new season of life. How incredible to be able to share these beautiful moments with her! Praise You, Lord. 

As we age together, may we always remember the foundation of this friendship. Our faith in a God that is bigger than the intricate plans we have together. I praise God for the ways in which He has knitted us together--from the day we set foot on campus to the day we got to witness our dear sister try on her white dress 6 years later. God, you are so so faithful. 

Photo Reel: Spring Break

Selfie with the Bestie

Breakfast date with Appabear

April Showers bring May flowers!

hehe I wanted to carry the sun with me

yummy brunch reunion with old orchestra buds and giggling over memories made in South America

breakfast date with the dear roomie

dinner is served...

for some beautiful faces of RCF!

finally got to have my babies together...how faithful God is!

hehe beer and wings with my rebellious mother ;]

drives with the family are the best drives

Kang family does buffet

adorable plane snack reminding me of my momma's gentle love

Scratch out lucky. Add instead "blessed"

Forgetful Me

During this Lent season, I prayed that I would be made painfully aware of my sins and that I would come into true repentance that is pleasing to God. Little did I know that it would come in the form of a student knocking over my new laptop this afternoon. When I realized the damage done, anger and frustration welled up inside me--nearly the same gut-wrenching feeling I got when my phone was stolen from my backpack last fall, when my iPad charger was taken from my desk drawer, and when my candles were burned to the core this week without me knowing.  I felt violated and slapped by injustice. I realized right there just how much value I was placing on earthly possessions. 

" If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."   

-Colossians 3: 1-4

Thank God for my mother who reminded me, "Cathy, you're not surprised, are you? You went there for missions. You are supposed to be losing things." Keep giving even if you get nothing back. Give grace because you have been shown grace. Forgive. Love. Love even when it hurts to. And that is when I realized how much I lost sight of it all this year. 

So much value was placed on my performance and impact as a second-year teacher, that I've forgotten the joy of loving, of giving, of spending money and time to the excess. I began to cave into the pressures of job performance that I've begun to see my children as a means to an end rather than an end itself. Dear students, forgive me.

Tonight, I praise God for when I forget....He forgives.