By Your Side
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
-tenth avenue north
The last time I heard this was during inner city missions in West Philly last summer, but I had a sudden craving to hear this song again just now.
I let my girlie side roam freely in front of chick flicks, but tonight's movie was different. Instead of the happy, fluttery feelings it usually gives me, I found myself numb to its charm and dissatisfied by its "picture-perfect" ending. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually easily won over by cute quotes and romantic story lines, which I'm not always proud of. However, there was something about this one that seemed way too...planned? By the time the credits started rolling, I realized that I was neither wooed nor impressed with the story presented before me. When did I become so critical? so cynical?
Or...did life just make me wiser? Weirdly enough, I kept thinking about the other characters other than the two who finally end up together and hog the spotlight for the entire movie. What about the ones they left behind? Did they find their own happy endings or are they too busy mending their own broken hearts?
For the first time, a chick flick left me feeling empty. lonely. abandoned. forgotten.
Then I felt God whispering His love again for me through this song.
I didn't get a chance to spend much time with Him today.
I'm so vulnerable. so weak. so easily won over.
I realize how much I need His word to constantly protect me, sustain me, fill me.
I think now's a good time to delve into something that's more wholesome to my heart.
...something that's more satisfying than fabricated fairytale endings.
mm yes, Goodnight<3
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
l o v e
Have you ever ached to hug a child you just met a month ago? a week ago?
At first I prayed for some of these beautiful faces by name, but now it's hard to keep track, and I could already feel the names slip through my fingers. I become overwhelmed and anxious, but God graciously reminds me that He knew each child from the beginning of time, that He will never forget a single one, and that His Son is constantly interceding for them all. Wow, who do I think I am? It's incredible how attached I can get but how limited my human capacity to love is. Lord, only you. Only you.
So far this summer has been a whirlpool. I'm being sucked into so many things and at times I find myself breathless and exhausted. On the other hand, when I come out of one thing, I'm left thirsty for more. God, you're really giving me a chance to love until I run dry, but You always manage to fill me up again for the next adventure. Each time I feel so weak, helpless, and dependent on You, but somehow I know that this is exactly where You want me to be.
Take me, Mold me
Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hands
Cameroon, Texas, Arizona, neighborhood. I find that kids have a knack for breaking your heart, warming it, then melting it again. Despite the hectic past couple of weeks, I noticed that God has been surrounding me with children...and lots of them. I miss them. The ones who didn't say much and those who could talk until their mouths run dry, those who eagerly followed my praise motions and those who glumly just stared, those who shared their big dreams with me and those who tugged at my braids, those who whispered silly jokes into my ear and those who quietly sat beside me as we enjoyed each other's company. I miss them already. God has been giving me a glimpse of His great love for little ones, whether they're Cameroonian, Korean, Spanish, or Navajo Indian. Yes, they can drive you crazy sometimes, but at the end of the day, when I see how quickly they can bring a smile to my own face, I can only imagine how much our Father prizes them, loves them, and cares for them. I'm thinking of you and praying for you, dear ones. And sadly when I fail you, there's a Father who never will....
"We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:19
Thank you Daddy for taking me on this incredible journey and showing me how much I need You...for embracing me through these beautiful children and comforting my own heart. I praise you that your love is beyond words, beyond time...that though I may forget them, you never will. I pray that just as you're taking care of me, you continue to water these seeds so that they may grow into fruitful instruments of yours. Please protect them from the evils of this world and fill their lives with the everlasting JOY and hope that is only found in You.
At first I prayed for some of these beautiful faces by name, but now it's hard to keep track, and I could already feel the names slip through my fingers. I become overwhelmed and anxious, but God graciously reminds me that He knew each child from the beginning of time, that He will never forget a single one, and that His Son is constantly interceding for them all. Wow, who do I think I am? It's incredible how attached I can get but how limited my human capacity to love is. Lord, only you. Only you.
So far this summer has been a whirlpool. I'm being sucked into so many things and at times I find myself breathless and exhausted. On the other hand, when I come out of one thing, I'm left thirsty for more. God, you're really giving me a chance to love until I run dry, but You always manage to fill me up again for the next adventure. Each time I feel so weak, helpless, and dependent on You, but somehow I know that this is exactly where You want me to be.
Take me, Mold me
Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hands
Cameroon, Texas, Arizona, neighborhood. I find that kids have a knack for breaking your heart, warming it, then melting it again. Despite the hectic past couple of weeks, I noticed that God has been surrounding me with children...and lots of them. I miss them. The ones who didn't say much and those who could talk until their mouths run dry, those who eagerly followed my praise motions and those who glumly just stared, those who shared their big dreams with me and those who tugged at my braids, those who whispered silly jokes into my ear and those who quietly sat beside me as we enjoyed each other's company. I miss them already. God has been giving me a glimpse of His great love for little ones, whether they're Cameroonian, Korean, Spanish, or Navajo Indian. Yes, they can drive you crazy sometimes, but at the end of the day, when I see how quickly they can bring a smile to my own face, I can only imagine how much our Father prizes them, loves them, and cares for them. I'm thinking of you and praying for you, dear ones. And sadly when I fail you, there's a Father who never will....
"We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:19
Thank you Daddy for taking me on this incredible journey and showing me how much I need You...for embracing me through these beautiful children and comforting my own heart. I praise you that your love is beyond words, beyond time...that though I may forget them, you never will. I pray that just as you're taking care of me, you continue to water these seeds so that they may grow into fruitful instruments of yours. Please protect them from the evils of this world and fill their lives with the everlasting JOY and hope that is only found in You.
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