Let's Talk! Dallas 2018

Learnings from organizing Let's Talk! Dallas 2018.

Lord, may I never forget your faithfulness from this past adventure. 

These are my stones of remembrance--let me capture them here. 

• Power of team. We were meant to be a community of Christ. It takes a village, and we cannot do God's work alone. When one person had to step back, another would step up. This was so organic in the MSG team, and I'm so grateful for the many times that the team covered for one another in every season. What a breath of relief it was when everyone safely arrived in Dallas! 
• Passion > Money. In fact, it's almost scary to see what people are willing to do and sacrifice when their passions come alive. It is what drew so many speakers from MA, PA, NY, VA, and TX to do this work for free. In fact, it actually costed many--time with family, time from work, sleep, finances. How beautiful! What a privilege it is to work with such passionate souls--so inspired by them. I can only pray God please bless your people to the tenfold.
• There is freedom when you're not in control. Every week leading up to the conference brought so much anxiety, and yet when it was the week of the conference, I found myself in utter peace knowing that there really wasn't anything that I could do that would dramatically alter the conference--that last week felt just right. God, knowing "there is nothing I could do" is such a good place to be--please keep me there always, in that sacred place.
• Follow your leaders. My mother's love was so tangible these last few weeks. She said, "끝가지가야지 마음이 편하지" as she drove me around the city, waiting patiently in the parking lot as I knocked on the doors of nearly every Korean church pastor circled in the local newspaper. Behind every child doing God's work is a praying figure--mine is mom. When ticket numbers were low, she believed that God can even move through my young age and broken Korean. Thankful for her courageous love and unwavering faith, for the laughter she brought me (our David dance), and her sneaky snacks appearing during my endless video calls. You can never doubt the results are from God if you've given it your all--go to the end and let God do the rest.
• 1 Timothy 4:12. "Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." Remember Pastor Choi at Semihan who spent the time listening to you fumble over your words that afternoon, who took the time to listen, who encouraged you, and who reminded you that even your broken Korean can be very powerful. You needed to hear that that afternoon. Knock and knock hard. 
• Humility of servant leaders. I was so blessed to visit pastors from all around the DFW area during the week--I would often pull into a church only to spot a pastor sweating as he lugged retreat food from one van to another or doing other handiwork around the building. When asked where the senior pastor was, I would often get, "제가 단임 목사님인되요..." How humble are your servants, oh Lord! Bless them, increase their territory. Remember them! 
• Faith is hard. The story of David approaching Goliath became so real. It was hard when adults seemed discouraged, and I'm sure David felt that way too. Faith is tested even with small things like ordering lunches for a conference when budget is tight--will they show up? There were so many moments when I blurted 240 and wondered, "Am I crazy?" It made me wonder if David, too, had those moments...moments when he questioned his sanity as he took off the armor and started approaching Goliath with a pocket full of stones. Faith doesn't come naturally for sinful people like me--I realized that faith is a choice you make every day. It was not my faith. Indeed it was the object of my mustard-seed-like faith, our great Father, who hears and answers.
• Faith may mean stepping in and getting wet. Thank the Lord for community. When it was hard, I remember sweet Anna who reminded me via text: "literally as the priests step foot INTO the river God moves...there's a touching and initiating until the very last moment...as patience and trust is stretched beyond understanding"--I will never forget the strength of this truth as we got to the very last minute with numbers. Yes, it was blind faith, carried by the dearest of friends--even blind faith is bold because we are never alone on this journey. Lord, thank you for everyone who willingly stepped into the waters with me. We get wet together. 

"The priests who carry the ark of the Lord, the Lord of the whole earth, will stand in the water of the Jordan. Then the water flowing from upstream will stop and stand up like a dam. So they broke camp to cross the Jordan River. The priests who carried the ark of the promise went ahead of the people. (The Jordan overflows all its banks during the harvest season.) When the priests who were carrying the ark came to the edge of the Jordan River and set foot in the water, the water stopped flowing from upstream. The water rose up like a dam as far away as the city of Adam near Zarethan. The water flowing down toward the Sea of the Plains (the Dead Sea) was completely cut off. Then the people crossed from the east side of the Jordan River directly opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the Lord’s promise stood firmly on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan until the whole nation of Israel had crossed the Jordan River on dry ground." -Joshua 3:13-17

• Mustard Seed. At the last church I visited, the pastor told me that mustard seeds are found all over Israel--they're actually meant to be scattered and not planted. So the fact that Jesus would mention planting a mustard seed displays the extra tender loving care He shows it. In the same way, the pastor reminded me that this work is very precious in God's eyes. Lord, this work was thought up by You--may we be faithful as You give the growth. Thank you for loving us. 
• Healing starts from me. I did not realize that this conference would end up reconciling wounds within my own family. Though at first hesitant, mom finally warmed up to sharing her story on stage with oppa. God was doing a work within this relationship, and I will never forget watching my family find healing during this first conference. Even dad said the panel was his favorite part--I know that that time was sacred for the Kang family. God, you never let go. 

ESL Musings

We were asked to share one thing that we have been learning through our studies.

She looked down to collect her thoughts and finally spoke:

I still have questions about God and have doubts. But I know one thing. I want to be like the people who follow Jesus. 

Moments like these I am reminded of the power of God and His divine appointments.
They are indeed divine.

Witnessing miracles every Friday morning. One of my greatest blessings here in Boston.

Love is the Foundation

"Wow, that'a amazing," she breathed.

Her words stopped me in my tracks. My mind just seconds before was buzzing with ideas on what to do next--it was on panic mode after I woke up just an hour before, way after sleeping past my alarm and fully aware that I have a paper due in just 2 hours that was nowhere near complete. It was in the shower when God gave me 1 Corinthians 13 to go over for my first study with my ESL student and dear friend. I felt stripped of control, completely unprepared, totally undone. If a miracle was to happen, there was nothing I could take credit for. And perhaps that was exactly where He wanted me.

This morning I had the honor of guiding a sister through prayer and reading the Word. As we read verse by verse, back and forth from English to Chinese, I could see her eyes widen, her voice pause, and her eyes scan the passage once more. I don't think the Chinese translation is right, she would murmur at times. Just that Sunday, the pastor preached about the living Word. Indeed it is. How could I doubt it when I see my dear friend so captivated after her first reading of this infamous chapter on love? This chapter that I had memorized in elementary school and almost outgrown and taken for granted. She, however, saw His words with fresh eyes. The way they were to be seen and understood. She, was hearing His voice. And I? I was seeing it.

"Love is the foundation," she concluded.

Yes, it is. It really is.
When we reachout, God really does reachin.
Blessed beyond measure in this place.

You unravel me, Lord.
May I never forget what it is like to approach Your Word with childlike faith.
Never ever. May I never grow tired of hearing Your voice.

If you sent me all the way to Boston to witness this,
this was all so worth it.

Nana

She threw her head back and chuckled her loud, boisterous laugh.

You would have never guessed that she came from poverty.

And that she tasted the bitterness of homelessness.

She taught me many things that afternoon in Toah Nipi.

I got my blanket stolen right off me while sleeping at the shelter.

Sometimes they take your shoes, so you sleep with them on.

Oh, but that blanket. How I miss that soft blanket.

Of course you can offer your leftovers. 

As long as you ask, I assure you 9 times out of 10 they'll take it.

Just make sure you ask. 

Once we were all in line, baking in the heat, to get a spot at the shelter.

Across the street, a church was cooking hot dogs for us.

My mouth was watering and I wanted it so bad.

But I had to decide whether to give up my spot in line or wait it out.

I decided to wait so I could get a place to sleep that night.

Others couldn't resist and went for the hot dog.

But they didn't get no place to sleep for the night. 

You see, I was mentally ill.

I was hearing voices in my head telling me crazy things.

I needed help. Some of these people are just like that.

They once had a normal life, but something went on inside that head.

But Jesus rescued me.

Oh yes, yes He did.

Thank you Nana.

For patiently answering all my questions.

Jesus is so alive in you, I keep thinking of you.

Forgiveness

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

No hint of judgment. No hint of pity.

Just eyes full of compassion.

My eyes welled up as I took in this stranger's words.

Oh how quickly my hurt, anger, and bitterness dissipated. 

It was a chance meeting. I simply followed a friend who wanted to see a free documentary about a hospice in Scotland that was offering a type of palliative care unlike many we see around here. I didn't think I could relate to the film until a panel took form on stage after the showing. One of the panelists was the chair of Psycho-social Oncology and Palliative Care at the Cancer Institute here. As he spoke on his area of research, which was the ways in which doctors had conversations with patients diagnosed with terminal illnesses, my ears perked up and I sat up in my seat. 

Suddenly I was back in that tiny office in Dallas with my dad. His young oncologist nonchalantly responds that dad's sickness has gone into his bones and that "of course" it was stage 4. My fingers clench the bottom of my seat and I quickly excuse myself from the office to cry silently in the parking lot. I'm angry and hurt--what does this doctor know about this magnificent man sitting before him? I grow embittered by his callous response, leaving no room for forgiveness--for the possibility of his own detachment from patients as a protective measure for his own heart in this field of oncology. 

It would be a year and a half later in Boston where I would finally be able to forgive and let go. I awkwardly stood around the refreshment table waiting for him to appear from the theater doors and grew disheartened when he was quickly approached by several guests, one clearly going on about her own stories. He spots me waiting nervously and eventually politely cuts off the lady to approach me. I had plenty of time to rehearse my questions for this very busy man, but the minute he thanks me for waiting, my words spill out into a messy puddle. My awful visit to the oncologist, my fear of switching doctors, my frustration at the callous insensitivity we received, my tears that afternoon. 

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

At that moment, I knew that God brought me to hear those words for a reason. There was a man I needed to forgive, and I was going to hear the apology from a fellow physician states away. There is no connection between the two men, This man before me had nothing to do with the hurt and frustration that I experienced back in Dallas. And yet, his words would heal me. And it would be more than enough.  

Thank you, Dr. James Tulsky.

Thank you for your research.

Thank you for your kindness. 

Thank you for seeing the hurting person in me. 

Thank you Lord for knowing the deepest depths of my heart and for freeing me each day. Thank you once again for your divine appointments. 

Rain and Provision

After a series of clouds and spouts of rain, I was a bit blue this morning.

Dad was getting his annual bone scan, a sure interruption to daily life at the Kang's. 

It's a sudden-and yet sometimes necessary-jolt telling me that all is not as it appears.

That we are constantly battling the consequences of sin in this world. 

That we await a day when there is no sickness or disease ravaging our bodies.

As deep in the trenches as we may be in this season,

God nudged me to text a fellow sister who also had been battling sickness in her home.

Her update humbled me to the core. Dear sister, we know a God who is far greater.

But that was not all. He had more planned for me. 

I walk through the school doors and feel an urge to stop by the nurse's office.

My friend's eyes well up in tears at the news and a boldness betrays her thin frame.

Papa was the nicest one to me, but he kept getting cancer. It would be gone and then another would pop up. And then another one. It became so incessant that even the church members would just tell him to give up and ask God to take him now. And yet, he kept thanking God for allowing him to live another day. Whether we are healthy or sick, we are never guaranteed today. He knew that and decided to use the rest of his life to read God's word from cover to cover and journal about it. I asked Papa to leave that as a gift to my daughter. To this day, that is the most precious thing we own in the house. God will be glorified in whatever the results will be today, Cathy. You just wait and see. 

How amazing is His word. How immediately it could bind two souls together in one room.

Today in that small nurse clinic, I was reminded of eternity. I walked out with more than myself. I walked out with hope that will guide us through the darkest of places. Thank you Jesus for this. Thank you for your divine appointments.