Note to Self

“We’re far worse than we ever imagined, 
and far more loved than we could ever dream.” 
-Tim Keller

Rooftop Musings

Sfax, Tunisia     //     Summer 2013

I recall a conversation with an American MK on the rooftop one night.

Her family allowed me to sleep over and spend time with her

since she didn't have too many friends close to her age here.

She had her own closet full of arts&crafts materials.

She loved and collected American duck-tape.

She also loved quiet evenings on this rooftop where she confided:

"Even though I was born in the United States,
when I go back I don't feel like I belong there. 

I'm not sure where I belong, but I feel more at home here."

I'm not sure why, but
I felt a deep sense of comfort that night.

This is Why

Sfax, Tunisia      //     Summer 2013

When the pastor introduced me to the congregation,
I had no idea how many would show up to my "conversation hours"

or what those hours would even look like.

The discomfort brewing inside me was a mixture of fear and excitement.

When the first day arrived, I showed up early with a whiteboard from the schoolhouse

and a brief slideshow prepared on my iPad (an honestly last-minute item I had packed). 

After moving a few chairs about, I decided to form an intimate circle.

Perhaps 5 or 6 students would show? Even that felt like a lot.

Again that feeling of fear and excitement exponentially grew stronger

with each student walking through the door, some coming in pairs until we had about 15.

More chairs were brought in and the circle grew larger.

"Fake it 'til you make it"  I was taught in Philly.

So I did. I tried to exude confidence and pretended to know what I was doing.

Who was I kidding though? I was questioning every word and move I made.

As I nervously clicked to my slideshow and looked up, however, I was confronted by

the sight of 15 heads bowed down and pens rapidly setting up notebooks for note-taking.

I had become so desensitized that I was taken aback by such dedication. 

I was moved by their deep desire to learn.

And then I realized...God was blessing me.

The challenging last two years in Philly of having to

createmyowncurriculum-differentiateforstudents-adapttolastminchanges-buildclassculture

led to constant complaints and words of frustration leaving my lips.
But I realized then THIS IS WHY. He was preparing me.

After facing so many class challenges and difficult situations in the room,

it was refreshing to see this posture, this thirst.

They asked to stay longer so we extended 1.5 hours to 3 hrs 3x a week.

They asked for homework, so I started to email them assignments.

Oh grace, why is it every time I go to serve, God ends up blessing me more?

So much that I can NEVER say I did anything for Him.

Anything I try to offer Him, it's His already. All that I had, have, and will have.

It's an endless cycle of drowning in His grace.

Empty Evening

Sfax, Tunisia     //     Summer 2013

The night the family and I drove to the local park during Ramadan

in hopes of meeting locals and sharing the Gospel.

After an hour of waiting, the little ones got tired so we drove home.

The reality of long-term missions.

Sometimes there will be nights when no one comes out.

Times when you will be greeted with empty swing sets, 

see-saws, and the low rumble of cars driving by.

Keep pressing on, family. Thinking of you tonight.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time.
He has also set eternity in the human heart;

yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end"

-Ecclesiastes 3:11

Bucket List #5

Finish an ENTIRE coloring book. Start to Finish.

This will preferably be a joint effort completed with beloved family&friends.

Now I just have to find the perfect book....  :]

Confrontations

"I’ve learned that if someone asks you for advice and you tell them the hard truth and they fight you in response, they weren’t really asking for advice — but self-affirmation to keep doing the wrong thing. That’s asking for less love, not more. And I can’t do that to you. Love means I have to tell you everything, even if my voice trembles and my hands shake and my eyes burn with weeping. Love means I will throw my body in front of you when you’re heading towards the cliff. It will cost my comfort with you. It’s a cost I’m willing to pay." - J. S. Park

God's Love.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/19/brother-christian-isis-victims-forgive_n_6713310.html

“The love for equals is a human thing--of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles. The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing--the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world. The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing--to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is the love for the enemy--love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain. The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world.” 
― Frederick Buechner, The Magnificent Defeat